Next time you’re out carousing on the Upper East Side, make sure every banana in your bunch makes it home.

Duke Snider ~ 1924-2011

In the 1950s New York City had three baseball teams, and those teams had centerfielders named Mays, Mantle, and Snider. Edwin “Duke” Snider, the Duke of Flatbush, patrolled the yard at Ebbets Field for the Dodgers from 1947 (debuting two games after Jackie Robinson) until the team decamped for Los Angeles in 1958, 11 charmed seasons that included the team’s only World Series Championship in Brooklyn, a heroic defeat of the Yankees in ’55 in which the Duke blasted 4 home runs.

Playing in an outer borough for a team of perennial bridesmaids, Snider never quite achieved the broad, iconic acclaim of his rival centerfielders. But not only did he out-slug Mantle and Mays while they all played in New York, he boasted the gaudiest numbers of anyone in the game in the ’50s — his home run (326), RBI (1,031), and slugging (.569) numbers in that golden decade were unsurpassed.

In 1958 he followed the team to Los Angeles, but the dimensions of the Dodgers’ temporary home at the L.A. Coliseum (490 down the right-field line, compared to a cozy 297 at Ebbets) contributed to sagging offensive production for the left-hand-hitting slugger. In 1963 he was traded to the Mets and the following year, in one of the saddest demises in the history of the game, he was signed by the San Francisco Giants, where he played his final year. To this day he remains one of only a handful of ballplayers to have passed through that organization unbesmirched by its vile stank.

So today we salute you, Duke. You were a hero among legends, and now a legend among the immortals.

Bonus Question: What do Duke Snider, Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and Eazy-E have in common? A: They’re all straight outta Compton. Snider was Compton High class of ’44.

For the past few years Gillian Telling has been telling it like it is as sex columnist for Maxim and a ton of other magazines and websites.  She exposes the mysteries of women, and teaches guys how not to f it all up.  (Dudes – her “20 Things Men Don’t Know About Women” on thefrisky.com drops the knowledge like a library card.)

Gillian dropped by the NYCTACO party van with a pitcher of sangria and we talked about her new book “Dirty Girls: The Naked Truth About Our Dirty Secrets”.

Hola Gillian!  In “Dirty Girls” you lay it all out there, and that filthy honesty has shined like a smelly beacon for girls throughout the country.  While writing it, did you ever cross something out and go, “No that is TOO gross”?

Not really.  If you look at the chapter “Everybody Poops, Even Gisele Bundchen” I talked about a friend of mine having the runs so badly she’d gotten some on the walls and painted what we called a “Jackson Poolock”.  (Or a Poocasso.)  If I didn’t keep that one a secret, then… But I didn’t talk about women cheating.  Some do, some don’t, it’s just not a hilarious topic.  Guys can keep that one.

Readers can also look at the no holds barred accounts of your friends’ lives and say, “Yes, I too have gotten strep throat from going down on a dirty dick.”  Have these friends come up to you after reading the book and been like, “Yo Gill, WTF?”

Actually most of them were seriously proud to get a mention!  These are the same friends who once tried to convince me I had throat AIDS when I had tonsillitis, and sent me all sorts of links saying a prominent doctor had warned them about sexually transmitted herpes of the throat and actually had me concerned for a while.  That is just the nature of the beasts I know.

NYCTACO remembers your days as a Rolling Stone correspondent.  Do you still rock out or are you strictly DVD and Thai take out nowadays?  Who is your favorite artist today?

I’m actually so unhip these days that I have just embraced my formerly bad taste in music and listen to a lot of Chicago – both the 70s band and the musical soundtrack.  That said, I really dislike both Animal Collective and that weedy Taylor Swift.  When in doubt, I usually listen to Pulp.  I am old.

NYCTACO has a ladyfriend that wants to be a writer too, but she’s afraid she doesn’t have anything exciting in her life to talk about.  What piece of advice could you bestow on this timid miss?

I would never tell someone to do something wacky just to get a good story out of it – good stories have to happen organically.  Basically, don’t travel to India alone thinking you’ll be inspired to write Eat, Pray, Love 2.  You’ll probably just be really lonely and get traveler’s diarrhea.  She should get her crazier friends drunk and see what they’ll admit to.  That’s what I did!

Where’s your favorite place to get a taco in NYC?

Mercadito’s shrimp tacos are the best!  And now I am craving them and I’m all the way out in Brooklyn.  Brooklyn needs better tacos.  I’m open to suggestions, NYCTaco.

Suggest we will, Gillian,  Suggest we will.

Check it – Will Janowitz was Meadow Soprano’s boyfriend on that Sopranos show. NYCTACO doesn’t have cable but we hear he was kickin’ it. We did see him in that commercial, though, when he was that guy who did that thing.

What up Will. Did you ever try to kiss Meadow Soprano for real?

Never tried to kiss her- however i did attempt to read her mind once and found that she’s planning to lead a revolution of individuals who are pro- shrinking farm animals for use as household pets.

Did Tony/Mr. Gandolfini ever take you aside on the set and go, “Ay, if you ever touch my baby girl I’m gonna break your f-in melon, capiche?”

Never did he shake me down for realsy. However, when I couldn’t stop laughing in a scene once he grabbed my nose and told me he’d rip it off and shove it up my ass if I didn’t quit it. It worked and I believe added a realness to the scene that wasn’t there before.

What the strangest thing you’ve ever acted in?

Hmm… probably the Kahlua comercial I just shot on top of a mountain. There were extras dressed as (make believe) Mayan warriors and I and a pretty girl had been transported there from a party… The Mayan leader invites us to party with them and take part of their Kahlua inspired festivities… I also did a soft core porn.

Is it hard to find work in this crazy town?

You have to be creative and make your own opportunities- but it can be… actors must always take risks.

What can we see Will Janowitz in, in the future?

You can see me in GNOME bitches www.gnomeshow.com. Before the strike i was in the process of selling my own show about a half human, half gnome who comes out of a 30 yr hiatus from Central Park to navigate the materialistic world of NYC today. LOL!!! And a project called BOXMAN a feature being written by Joshua Soloman (author of Black Like Me; Revisited.)

Where is your favorite place to get a taco?

Hands down!! La Superica!! It’s in Santa Barbara, CA and it’s so freakin good and worth the drive from LA every time i’m there. Holler!!!

Fuerza Bruta officially trumps the Aerosmith laser light show down at the Planetarium as the official Trippiest Show to Watch When You’re Shrooming With Eight Friends.

The Buenos Aires gang that created De La Guarda is back again at the Daryl Roth Theatre at Union Square, and NYCTACO was blown away. Guests walk into an empty room with nothing to see and nowhere to turn. For the next 70 minutes, you are attacked by treadmills, rotating machines, and a massive transparent pool that descends on the audience, low enough to touch, filled with writhing bathing beauties. (you can touch them too.)

NYCTACO got a chance to ask Michael Hollick, one of the show’s performers, just what the h is going on…

Hey, Michael, what’s up. Your show blew my mind. How did you audition for such a unique show? No Tom Stoppard monologues, I take it.

The audition was intense. We ran a lot on the treadmill, which is a major element of the show. We also did a lot of dancing. Obviously, performers in the show need to have stamina and athleticism, and the audition reflected this. No Stoppard monologues were required, but strong actors are required. Performers must have an enormous capacity for emotional expression. Real, raw emotion is what makes the show compelling. Without that it would be just a bunch of tricks.

I don’t care how many times night after night you get up there – that would scare anyone sh*tless. What do you do pre-show to relax and get into the right mental mindframe?

Focus and concentration are paramount. We arrive 2 hours before show time. We have a “track meeting” in which we learn what roles we will each be performing that night (roles are rotated on a nightly basis). After the track meeting we have a 45 minute group warmup. This is an opportunity for us to get ready physically and mentally, but more importantly it is a chance for us to come together as a group. The show is potentially dangerous if the cast and crew do not function as a team.

The cast seems real tight, in a tribal, scuzzy, magic bus type of way. Do you guys take peyote in Central Park or any sh*t like that?

We are a very close-knit group. Most of us have been working together for years. You have to trust that your fellow performer has your back during the show. We have our share of drum circles, but no magic bus….. I think someone in the cast has a magic Camry.

Sources say you’re working on some multi-chapter sci-fi fantasy opus. What’s that all about?

Wow. I’m not sure if I’m capable of an “opus”. Basically, I’m experimenting with telling one story in many different ways. Using different character perspectives, genres and styles, even different mediums. I’m fascinated by how a story becomes an enduring story or myth. I think it might have something to do with varying and diverse interpretations that allow the story to speak to a wider audience.

Wow. You’re talking like a riddle wrapped inside an enigma right there. What is in your future after Fuerza Bruta?

I’m looking forward to taking what I’ve learned from this amazing experience and applying it toward my own personal creative exploits, including my “opus”. I would love to do more film work. I make a lot of music with my scuzzy tribe and will always keep up with that. But what I really want is a garden with tomatoes, strawberries, vegetables and, yes, flowers.

Where is your favorite place to get a taco?

La Paloma in Hell’s Kitchen – 45th street and 9th ave. Cheap, fresh and delicious!

www.fuerzabruta.net